June 22, 2024

Pitt & Jolie Are Splitsville

The always reliable and never sleazy TMZ is reporting that America’s favorite tolerable couple, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are calling it quits. The gossip rag is reporting that Jolie has filed legal documents citing “irreconcilable differences.” According to a TMZ source,  Joile “became ‘fed up’ with Brad’s consumption of weed and possibly alcohol, and mixed with what she believes is “an anger problem” … felt it became dangerous for the children.”

The Hollywood power couple have twenty seven children together, most of whom were  believed to be kidnapped from a small village in Cambodia. That’s not actually true. There’s a bunch though. Some were adopted. Others popped out of Jolie’s vagina. None will ever know what a normal life is like.

The couple started dating in 2004, and were officially married in 2014. In 2005 the pair starred in the pretty decent action spy comedy Mr. & Mrs. Smith, as well as the 2015 drama By the Sea (we didn’t see it either). Jolie is reportedly not going to be seeking spousal support (she’ll be fine). We can expect the couple to use the media to demonstrate how sickeningly perfect a broken family they are (take that, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner).

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