Film Review: “The Wrong Missy”

David Spade’s new Netflix film revolves around the fallout of an awkward blind date. Okay that is probably a bit of an understatement, it’s more like the blind date from hell. It begins with Tim (Spade) nearly getting his ass kicked by WWE wrestler Roman Reigns while searching for his date Missy (Lauren Lapkus) and ends with him falling out a bathroom window to the street two stories below. It works as a metaphor for my experience with the film. I came into it blind but hopeful and by the time it was over I felt beat up.

Directed by Tyler Spindel, “The Wrong Missy” is the latest film produced by Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison Productions for Netflix. If you are a fan of the previous entries then maybe it’s better that you stop reading now, go grab some popcorn, and go enjoy the film. Otherwise, proceed.

Still here? Okay, let’s get into it. The story revolves around Tim, a boring, mid-level office worker looking for a relationship and Melissa/Missy the wild-eyed, knife-wielding, bathroom floor crawling oddball bordering on psychopath. When the two meet it is a case of oil and water – polar opposites. It is obvious (at least to Tim) the pair are not meant for each other. So much so Tim tries to jump out of the bathroom window instead of facing her for another minute. The mess of a blind date concludes with Tim having no intention of seeing her again.

Months later while heading back from a business trip Tim hits is off with a beautiful stranger, coincidentally named Melissa (Molly Sims). When their sexual airport escapade is interrupted because her flight is about to depart, the two make a hasty goodbye. Missy takes Tim’s number so the two can continue their relationship via a series of quickly escalating texts. Soon the pair has moved beyond texting and make plans to travel together to Hawaii for Tim’s company retreat. On the day of the trip, when Missy finally does arrive for their flight there’s a problem – it is the wrong Missy. Instead of the beauty pageant Missy (Sims) the psycho blind date Missy takes her seat and zaniness ensues and ensues and ensues. Now Tim has to spend his work trip with a woman he not only doesn’t like, does not trust and also kind of fears.

From this point forward there is little plot worthy of mentioning – the film goes on auto-pilot. The mismatched pair work their way toward the inevitable, illogical, and predictable conclusion. It is not my job to spoil it, but since you have probably already guessed it, no one would be shocked if I did. Characters and storylines are introduced, none of which serve much narrative function. They are thinly veiled excuses to string together more over-the-top “comedy” bits, pointless cameos, oddball characters and to give some of Sandler’s buddies a paycheck while he was off making a quality film. This includes Rob Schneider… maybe I’ll get to him later.

This film is certainly an ideal case for the old adage less is more. As an old friend always said, “the food at the restaurant is not very good, but there’s lots of it.” In this film, the jokes aren’t very good, but there are a lot of them. Little comedic restraint is shown, cramming way too much into the 89-minute running time – bodily fluids, graphic injuries, unsuccessful threesomes, shark attacks, an awkward talent show, and more. Any mildly funny moment exists only to be suffocated by the surrounding attempts to inject a laugh or over-the-top acting.

The biggest victim of this approach is Lapkus (whose work I enjoyed on Pete Holmes’ under-appreciated “Crashing). If I have to say something nice, is she is very confident and willing to put herself out there, but her performance is grating from start to finish. Missy is so extreme it does not take long for the character to wear out her welcome (for me that was when I first checked the clock, around 8-minute mark). A vehicle of obnoxious energy coming at you at full speed with not a brake pedal in sight. Her endless onslaught of (attempts at) humor – strip the character of any semblance of a real human – she is a crazed joke machine. Even worse, every joke landing with a bigger thud (some literally) than the previous. If she was turned down a notch or ten she may have been hilarious.

On the other side of the coin, Spade’s Tim is an utter bore. He spends most of the film has wandering aimlessly with little to do besides watch what wacky thing Missy will do next. He is the straight man to Lupkes’ oddball. Spade’s comic timing and deadpan delivering are wasted – when he does deliver a laugh it is usually lost in the Missy tornado. Maybe the most intriguing part of his character is surely one of the worst hairstyles in cinematic history. I guess the fact I am writing his hair instead of any particular scene says more about his character than I can type here. (Spoiler alert: if you are waiting for a greater purpose to his hair helmet, perhaps a great sight gag like Bill Murray’s hair in “Kingpin,” it doesn’t come. Nothing).

Is there a good film in here somewhere? I think so, or there could have been. The early moments between Spade and Sims displayed glimpses of characters and a tone that could have worked for the film. Those glimmers of hope are what make the second two thirds even more disappointing because you see just how lazy the writing actually is. As the film heads toward a conclusion the more illogical the characters’ actions become with little effort to combine the cartoon violence, crude humor, and rom-com elements. What we end up with is a nonsensical mess. Nothing is believable making any attempt to make us care about the foregone conclusion unsuccessful.

For the record, I wanted to laugh and I did a few times. I enjoyed seeing Jorge Garcia (Lost’s Hurley), his short scene with Spade provided some chuckles. Sarah Chalke’s part of a less-than-sexy threesome provided some laughs too. If only they weeded out the unfunny attempts at humor leaving behind only those which worked, maybe you would have a funny movie on your hands. Sure it would be about eight minutes long, but at least I could recommend it. Oh yeah, and as for Rob Schneider… (not worth my time).  

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