There is a reason why I didn’t see the new Arnold Schwarzenegger film in theaters (but we will get to that). No, not the new Terminator flick, but his new film, Maggie who he shares co-billing in with Abigail Breslin. This is actually a fairly small film that has Arnie as his co-star’s small town farming father who will stop at nothing to protect his ailing daughter, who has been struck with a fatal “zombie” virus. So, yeah another zombie flick, albeit there are only like five zombies in the whole film. Look I love zombie movies, always have. I grew up with them, but holy god, enough already. Sure the premise seems mildly interesting. It’s a touch different than the rest right? No. This is a true nail in the coffin for the genre. Honestly it’s not a zombie film at all, but hey that shit sells. Really, it’s just a kid with cancer flick that had a zombie sticker slapped on it. This didn’t get to theaters for a reason; it is boring as all hell!!! I watch a lot of smaller films on demand and have found many to be excellent (Locke, Snowpeircer, Housebound) but one needs to be weary when a film starring Arnie is first available on demand.
When the best thing about a movie is Arnie’s acting, things are only going to go south from there. Yeah it may just be his best acting, but that isn’t saying much is it? I love a good Arnie action flick but I don’t go for his academy winning performances. I don’t buy the beard or the lone fake tear he shed half way through the film. They could have landed the same close ups of him while taking a shit. Maggie is a dramatic thriller that doesn’t ever seem to get either the drama or the thriller part going in a way that even makes it worth considering the viewing. It moves along as slowly as the shambling corpses that occasionally pop up during the entire running time of the film. I tried to like it but nothing really allowed me the chance to get into it. Every scene just added to the next cringe worthy sequence until the final credits rolled, which was really my favorite part of this film. Yeah it’s pretty much that bad, or at least that boring.
The film lacked any real sense of vision from first time director Henry Hobson. Sure some of the shots are pretty but nonstop slow moving close ups get boring after a bit in any film, especially one billed as a zombie thriller or whatever they want to call it. Seriously the only surprising thing about this entire film is its 51% rating on rotten tomatoes. No that’s not great, but I really don’t understand what those 51% were thinking. Did they watch the same film as the rest of us? Do yourself a favor and just watch the trailer, I guarantee you will like that a whole lot better than the actual film.